No One Will Know

7 minute speech given to Titan Toastmasters on 15 November 2002 for Competant Toastmaster (Speech #9) from Communication and Leadership Manual (Persuade with Power)

As philosopher, very concerned with topic that most rather not think about: why people do bad things. Part of job to figure out reasons why people act immorally, where go astray. But basic purpose is positive because knowledge gained helps steer good people away from potentially sticky situations. So faithfully married man might see danger in the alluring new woman at the office while can still put at arm's length, rather than once hopelessly in lust.

One of most fascinating features of immorality is that no one wants to admit to doing it at the time. People want to think of themselves as good people, even when doing bad deeds left and right. As result, they have to invent excuses to conceal immorality from themselves. Have to rationalize their behavior, both before and after the fact.

Perhaps most psychologically interesting rationalization is "But no one will know that I did it!" In pondering whether to lie, cheat, and steal, person might tell himself, "But no one will know that I lied to my wife, cheated my mother, and stole from my boss. And no one will think poorly of me if I don't caught." Of course, can object to this reasoning on grounds that others will still be unjustly hurt, even if they never find out about the treachery. So saying "But no one will know..." doesn't actually mitigate immorality, just says won't cause problems in relationships with the wife, mother, and boss. But not really the point because deeper issue at stake.

Deeper issue is that excuse hints at some very revealing facts about the excuser's sense of self-worth. First, clear that someone will indeed know about the bad deed, namely person doing the deed, the excuser himself. But why doesn't that matter? Well, because excuser only concerned with other's opinions of him, not own opinion of himself. So rationalization really means "But no one will know about my horrible deed... Except me... And what do I care about my own opinion anyway?" Ouch.

So excuser is telling us that opinions of others count for everything, while opinion of himself counts for nothing. And usually not just opinions of significant people in life that given such weight, but anyone and everyone: family, friends, acquaintances, neighbors, and even random strangers. Even opinions of enemies often held in higher esteem than opinion of himself. That means that lacks basic sense of dignity, pride, and self-worth.

Remember that in general excuses supposed to preserve good self-image even while doing bad deeds. But excuse "But no one will know" really confessing poor self-image. Seems paradoxical. But fact is that people who use excuse don't consciously think about what implies about self-image. If did, would find different excuse. Just want convenient license for whatever immorality seems tempting at the moment. People don't want to think too deeply about their bad deeds, after all.

Must admit that I used to use this excuse on occasion – until heard analysis that just presented. Now wouldn't dream of using it. See meaning too clearly. Good thing, as keeps me out of trouble. Hope that have given you the same clear picture of apparently simple excuse "But no one will know..."

Mr Toastmaster.