The Gentle Art of Interruption

7 minute speech given to Titan Toastmasters on 12 August 2002 for Competant Toastmaster (Speech #7) from Communication and Leadership Manual (Apply Your Skills)

At TM, know to stop speaking before others stop listening. Why timed. Develop conciseness in speaking. Too many not learned in real world. See examples everyday:

- Co-worker in meeting who keeps bringing up irrelevant issues, dragging out meeting for ages.
- In Q&A period after lecture, instead of asking question, person gives 5 minute speech "Blah blah blah blah blah" then finally asks, "So what would you say to that?" Others don't have time to ask questions.
- Friend calls up to ask your advice, but then bores you with endless tales about her in-laws. You've got better things to do.

Situations distressingly common. Want to be polite and friendly, but don't want others to monopolize our time either. Unfortunately, TM doesn't teach skills that need to effectively deal with these time monopolizers. Doesn't teach gentle art of interruption. Is gap in training because need those skills to be good speakers and effective leaders.

So what can we do to prevent people from monopolizing our time? Two types of solutions to time monopolization: proactive and reactive.

Proactive solutions are techniques can use to minimize the problems before they occur. Are clear policies that discourage people from speaking too long in first place. For example:

- In meetings, use the agenda to keep people focused on issues at hand.
- In lectures, moderator should remind people to keep questions brief. Perhaps suggest writing them down so that clear.
- Also helpful to speak with repeat offenders privately. Explain problem and suggest solutions.

Such proactive techniques are simple, but very effective. A little prevention goes a long way.

But proactive solutions not enough. Some people don't get the hint. So need reactive techniques to cope with time monopolizers at the moment. Grab bag of tricks to regain control of the floor. For example:

- Asking question of clarification can end ramblings of confused question or comment. So might say "Are you asking whether the Marxist concept of exploitation might be relevant to the use of gender-neutral language?" If correct, then answer the question pronto. If not, then perhaps suggest discussion after lecture over when time not tight.
- Body language is also a powerful tool. If want to signal a meeting's end, can stand up and start ushering person towards door. Might start glancing at watch.
- Or can use "filler words" like "uh huh" and "okay" in hurried fashion to signal that it's time for person to conclude their remarks.
- Easiest reactive technique is to remind people that time is limited. Be specific. So in meeting might say "That's a good topic to discuss next week, as we only have ten minutes left to get through these items on the agenda."

The key to these reactive techniques is, of course, projecting the "I'm in charge" attitude. There's no need to be a tyrant, but definitely need to project an easy confidence with taking control of the time. The habitual time monopolizers might grump at your leadership, but most people will bless you for taking charge.

So these skills of gentle interruption are critical to effective speaking and leadership. Since not taught formally in TM, thought that might try experiment when I lead Table Topics next week. Propose that we try an "Interruption Roundtable." Each TM will speak for one minute on the given topic. Between one and two minutes, next person will have to gently interrupt the speaker to start his one minute of speaking. Then next person will interrupt him after a minute. And so on. The speaker should probably give up the floor only after some effort to hold on. When all have taken their turn, can spend few moments evaluating what seemed to work and what flopped. Sure that will come up with techniques that I haven't thought of.

If everyone's game, will prepare the "Interruption Roundtable" for Table Topics next week. If have idea for better exercise, love to hear it. Or if just want to do regular Table Topics, promise that won't be wounded.

In closing, let me just say that at TM, are a bit pampered. Fellow TMs trained, just as we are, not to monopolize time. Makes all of us good speakers and leaders. But to succeed in often-long-winded real world, need to learn and practice the art of gentle interruption.

Mr Toastmaster.