British Educational Bureaucracy By Paul Hsieh @ 1:37 AM
This short satirical video mocks the arrogance and paternalism of the bureaucrats who run the British educational system, but most of the arguments apply equally well to socialized health care. Or socialized anything!
The American equivalent in health care would be ABC News Medical Editor Dr. Tim Johnson's comments on individuals buying health insurance directly from an insurance company instead of through one’s employer. He stated (halfway through the following video):
The idea that individuals are going to have enough knowledge and enough savvy and enough insight and, frankly, enough guts to make choices all by themselves is pretty much a pipe dream.
Procrastination By Diana Hsieh @ 1:23 PM
This procrastination flowchart is just too damn accurate. I always realize that I'm in serious trouble when enough time has passed for me to restart your cycle of checking e-mail, blogs, news, etc.
Fabulous Ninja Fighting Kitties By Diana Hsieh @ 1:18 PM
Here at NoodleFood, we are personally committed to sharing the best in funny animal videos with you. Hence, Fabulous Ninja Fighting Kitties:
4. GPS satellite navigation systems have always been available. 10. Girls in head scarves have always been part of the school fashion scene. 19. Films have never been X rated, only NC-17. 20. The Warsaw Pact is as hazy for them as the League of Nations was for their parents. 22. Clarence Thomas has always sat on the Supreme Court. 33. The Tonight Show has always been hosted by Jay Leno and started at 11:35 EST. 46. The Green Bay Packers (almost) always had the same starting quarterback. 56. Michael Millken has always been a philanthropist promoting prostate cancer research.
I am writing to offer profound thanks to you for resolving an important philosophical question that has been heatedly debated for the last twenty years. The rumination began on a construction site one summer in the early 1970's, as my friend Jamie and I were working our way through college. The question we raised and have agonized over, lo these many years, is one that I've never read about in any philosophical treatise, and yet I have found it has applied to countless situations and conversations overheard in bars, repair shops, sporting events, political debates, etc. etc. etc.
Posit the question:
Do two people who don't know what they are talking about know more or less than one person who doesn't know what he's talking about?
(Pardon the un-PC masculine pronoun, but I have found this to be, most predominately, a male phenomenon.)
In your recent conversations regarding electric brakes on a cattle carrier, I believe you definitely answered this query and have put our debate to rest. Amazingly enough, you proved that even in a case where one person might know nothing about a subject, it is possible for two people to know even less!
One person will only go so far out on a limb in his construction of deeply hypothetical structures, and will often end with a shrug or a raising of hands to indicate the dismissability of his particular take on a subject. With two people, the intricacies, the gives and takes, the wherefores and why-nots, can become a veritable pas-de-deux of breathtaking speculation, interwoven in such a way that apologies or gestures of doubt are rendered unnecessary.
I had always suspected this was the case, but no argument I could have built from my years of observation would have so satisfyingly closed the door on the subject as your performance on the cattle carrier call. To begin your comments by saying, "We'll answer your question if you tell us how electric brakes work" and "We've never heard of electric brakes" and then indulge in lengthy theoretical hypostulations on the whys and wherefores of the caller's problem allowed me to observe that you were finally putting this gnarly question to rest.
I am forever indebted to you for the great service you have performed! I'm truly impressed that it took so many years of listening to your show to finally have this matter resolved.
On a more serious note, I've never felt safe in a "gun free zone" because I know I'm just a sitting duck for any criminal willing to disregard the law.
On the other hand, I've never felt safer than when I'm browsing at our local gun store, because I know that no criminal in his right mind would dare start any kind of trouble in place where there are dozens of trained, armed, law-abiding citizens ready and willing to protect themselves from bad guys. Similarly, I sleep very soundly at our autumn local Objectivist camp-outs, where most of us bring some sort of firearm to protect ourselves against four-legged or two-legged predators...
Vasectomy: $400. Speechless look on her face: priceless. Originally Posted: Tue, 6 Feb 14:24 PST
I'll try to sum up a funny story that happened a few years ago:
I got a vasectomy.
I met a girl soon afterwards. She was nice and attractive but with a selfish streak that raised a big red flag. She was 32 at the time and I could practically HEAR her biological clock ticking. Regardless, she was a good lay, easy on the eyes, and reasonably good company.
I did NOT tell her about my vasectomy and I always used a condom with her to protect against STDs. She assumed, obviously, that the condom was only used for birth control. Silly girl.
We date for a few months. I never made any move towards commitment but she brought it up ocassionally. For me, this was a casual but pleasant relationship. For her - as I was to find out - it was part of life-changing series of events that she was planning very carefully.
Four months into dating, I get the "I'm pregnant" talk. She's going on and on about how the condom must have broke and now we really need to think about getting married "for the baby". She's positively giddy. She has a baby in her and she thinks she's gonna have a good meal ticket (me) to go along with her new 7lb annuity.
At this point, I'm just as giddy. I get to pull the reverse "oops" on her. I figured that she slept with some bad boy and got knocked up. Good thing I was using condoms! Better still that I have a serious mistrust of women who can't think beyond their own uteri.
So I wait a couple of days to "think about all this." I meet her again. I say I don't want kids and that she should have an abortion. I know where this is going and sure enough it goes there. She goes completely batshit insane on me. There were the usual insults about my manhood. There were threats of legal action. It was all very ugly and I was loving every minute of it.
Well, I let her stew for a few days. She leaves me nasty messages on my phone. She sends awful emails. I'm laughing hysterically.
It was time to drop the hammer. While she was stewing I was busy. First I get a notarized copy from the urologist who performed the vasectomy. Next I get a notarized copy of the TWO test results indicating a "negative test result for sperm" to show I'm sterile and shooting blanks. Finally, I get a letter from a shark attorney stating he has seen the other documents and is prepared to litigate against this woman if she continues to communicate with me in such an unpleasant manner. Also, the letter states that we will insist on DNA testing to show that the baby is not mine. I'm ready.
I meet with this woman at her place. I bring flowers and a small bit of jewelry to show I am willing to reconcile and assume my responsibilities as a new father. I also have stuck in my pocket the documents I have prepared.
She's all giddy again. Her plan is going perfectly - or so she thinks. We talk about our future. We have some pretty good sex. Then, as I am about to walk out the door, I ask her the $64,000 question. "Are you sure that this baby is mine?"
Well, she goes batshit insane again. Hell, she ought to. Her plan could completely unravel if there is ANY question about my paternity. Oh, she's really screaming now. How dare I question her morals. Do I think she's a slut. I'm just trying to weasel out of my responsibilities... blah, blah, blah, yadda, yadda, yadda.
I'm not really mad. I'm kind of embarrassed for her. But since she won't shut up and the neighbors can hear all of this, I ask her to step back inside and sit down. She sits on the sofa and calms down a bit. She is glaring at me with all the moral self-righteousness that only a woman can muster up. She thinks she has me trapped. She is 100% convinced her plan has worked. Oh, the tangled web of lies and deceit she has wrought around herself and I am about to hack through them with a few pieces of paper.
I reach into my pocket slowly. I extract the three pieces of paper and unfold them slowly and deliberately.
I tell her simply, "You're screwed".
Her look doesn't change. There is no way she can fathom what I have prepared.
I continue. "I am sterile"
Her look changes just a bit. Something is beginning to sink in. Naturally, she reverts to women's logic. "You're full of shit. You're trapped and you know it."
I hold up the letter and the test results. "Three months before we met, I had a vasectomy. Here is a notarized letter from him stating what I had done. Here are two test results showing that I tested negative for the presence of sperm. Blanks. I am shooting blanks. That baby inside you is simply not mine."
This woman is not to be swayed by logic and clear documentation. "Bullshit, those are fakes."
I was ready for that. "No, they are real. This last piece of paper is from my attorney. It's a simple letter to you that states if you pursue any kind of legal action against me for child support that I will insist on a DNA test to prove paternity, that is, to prove that your baby is not mine."
I give the woman all the documents. She reads them slowly, deliberately. With each passing second she can feel in her soul that she has made a very bad mistake. With denial swept away, she started to cry. It's a small cry at first. Then it becomes deeper and more painful. By the time she gets to the letter from the lawyer she is sobbing.
I had no sympathy for her. I turned and walked out the door. Even after I closed the door I could still hear her sobbing.
Epilogue -
I never heard directly from this woman again. I did hear through my friends that she did indeed have the baby. I also heard that the real father was some guy in a band she had met. I assumed that after 30, women stopped going after musicians, bikers, criminals, and thugs. Silly me for thinking the best of American women.
The Moral of the Story -
Get a vasectomy but keep it a secret.
I found it particularly funny -- even though very inappropriate -- that he managed to have sex with her while in the middle of so artfully foiling her con.
When you cheat on your partner you add to the heartbreak, pain and jealousy in the atmosphere.
Cheatneutral offsets your cheating by funding someone else to be faithful and NOT cheat. This neutralises the pain and unhappy emotion and leaves you with a clear conscience.
Can I offset all my cheating?
First you should look at ways of reducing your cheating. Once you've done this you can use Cheatneutral to offset the remaining, unavoidable cheating.
Unfortunately, these folks are only opposed to carbon offsetting, not the whole idea of "carbon footprint" reduction. Still, it's damn funny.
I'm not sure which is my favorite: the view of the room from the perspective of the cat or the bedroom littered with dirty clothes. Probably the latter. (Via Amy Mossoff.)
EARTH -- Former vice president Al Gore -- who for the past three decades has unsuccessfully attempted to warn humanity of the coming destruction of our planet, only to be mocked and derided by the very people he has tried to save -- launched his infant son into space Monday in the faint hope that his only child would reach the safety of another world.
...Al Gore -- or, as he is known in his own language, Gore-Al -- placed his son, Kal-Al, gently in the one-passenger rocket ship, his brow furrowed by the great weight he carried in preserving the sole survivor of humanity's hubristic folly.
"There is nothing left now but to ensure that my infant son does not meet the same fate as the rest of my doomed race," Gore said. "I will send him to a new planet, where he will, I hope, be raised by simple but kindly country folk and grow up to be a hero and protector to his adopted home."
...In the final moments before the Earth's destruction, Gore expressed hope that his son would one day grow up to carry on his mission by fighting for truth, justice, and the American way elsewhere in the universe, using his Earth-given superpowers to become a champion of the downtrodden and a reducer of carbon emissions across the galaxy.
Children's Art By Diana Hsieh @ 3:03 PM
Why is it so damn funny when a snarky, condescending dude writes vulgar, nasty criticisms of children's drawings? Probably because it's so absurdly inappropriate. See for yourself: here and here.
The Great Over-Vs.-Under Debate By Paul Hsieh @ 9:12 AM
As NoodleFood readers know, we don't shy away from taking a strong position on controversial issues that have divided mankind for centuries.
Disclaimer: As an uncompromising advocate of the "Over" system, I speak only for myself on this issue. I don't exclude the possibility that some of my co-bloggers may be badly-mistaken supporters of the "Under" school of thought.
Point one: The sun--over eons--is by far the major driver of atmospheric CO2 levels--not human industrialization over the past minuscule decades.
Point two: Temperature rise precedes the rise in CO2 because warming temperatures enable the vast ocean reservoirs to release CO2 into the atmosphere. (Sorry, Al, you've got it backwards and upside-down--there is no credible scientific evidence that human-created CO2 causes global warming!)
3. Believing anything that Al Gore says.
4. Agreeing with the health care policies of a Senator who advocates socialized medicine for Americans, but whose life is saved as a direct consequence of the virtues of what's left of free market medical care.
5. Voting for such a Senator. It's stupid.
6. Acquitting OJ Simpson of brutally slaughtering two innocent people and making such a mess on the porch.
7. Forgetting to buy tickets to see the Dancing Itos.
8. Having confidence that Hamas will adhere to the latest cease fire with Israel. Hamas hates Israel, always has, always will, and will never adhere to any civilized contractual agreement. The whole thing is stupid.
9. Calling Mel Gibson a "filmmaker" since his release of Apocalypto. He should be called "man in need of psychiatric assistance."
10. Not reading Ayn Rand. It's s......, not a wise choice.
Some Dogs Like Water By Diana Hsieh @ 8:20 PM
The story behind this video is supposedly as follows: "These people were always finding water all over their pool deck and furniture, every time they came home, after being away for a few hours. They thought the neighborhood kids were watching for them to leave, and using the pool. However, they could never catch them doing it. So they set up their video cam and left. This is what they found..."
But if I see one more young male walking down the street with an iPod in one hand and holding up his pants with the other, I just might run up behind him, and WHOMP!, down they'll go!
Chewing gum and walking at the same time is hard enough. But can you imagine the tremendous challenge facing young men today having to walk, chew gum, talk on the cell phone, select songs on the iPod, look ultra-cool and hold up their pants all at the same time?!
But being America's self-appointed Fashion Vigilante has its grave responsibilities too. When I double-checked my "Fashion Police Handbook of Citizens' Rights," I discovered (much to my dismay) that I cannot just going around WHOMPING pants with the back pockets sagging around the knees.
So I guess I'll just have to stick to exemplifying that certain jean-wearing je ne sais quoi: just-faded enough, just loose-fitting enough--but not too much!!!
And keep my hands in my own pockets. That's the civilized way to be totally groovy.
