First Aristotle appeared, and the philosopher said to him, "Could you give me a fifteen-minute capsule sketch of your entire philosophy?" To the philosopher's surprise, Aristotle gave him an excellent exposition in which he compressed an enormous amount of material into a mere fifteen minutes. But then the philosopher raised a certain objection which Aristotle couldn't answer. Confounded, Aristotle disappeared.
Then Plato appeared. The same thing happened again, and the philosophers' objection to Plato was the same as his objection to Aristotle. Plato also couldn't answer it and disappeared.
Then all the famous philosophers of history appeared one-by-one and our philosopher refuted every one with the same objection.
After the last philosopher vanished, our philosopher said to himself, "I know I'm asleep and dreaming all this. Yet I've found a universal refutation for all philosophical systems! Tomorrow when I wake up, I will probably have forgotten it, and the world will really miss something!" With an iron effort, the philosopher forced himself to wake up, rush over to his desk, and write down his universal refutation. Then he jumped back into bed with a sigh of relief.
The next morning when he awoke, he went over to the desk to see what he had written. It was, "That's what you say."
[From Raymond Smullyan, 5000 B.C. and Other Philosophical Fantasies. St. Martin's Press, 1983]
Yes, some people really think that's a legitimate method of refutation!
By Diana Hsieh @ 4:00 PM
A while back, I finally performed a long-overdue update of my blogroll. As I was short on time, I decided to simply throw everything from my "blogroll" bookmarks folder into the blogroll, sorted by rough categories. On my next pass, I plan to pare down those links, including removing some dead and dying ones.
Here, I want to highlight some of the funny blogs I love to read. They keep me sane and silly. They are, in no particular order:
Now, go have a guffaw at the metaphysically insignificant! (Hmmm... That seems like an inapt description of many of the People of Walmart. Many are rather ... um... metaphysically substantial.)
Any other humor blogs to suggest? Post them in the comments!
By Diana Hsieh @ 8:00 AM
As 2009 comes to a close, you must read one thing, namely Dave Barry's lengthy review of the year. It's insanely hysterical -- and depressing. Here's the opening:
It was a year of Hope -- at first in the sense of "I feel hopeful!" and later in the sense of "I hope this year ends soon!"
It was also a year of Change, especially in Washington, where the tired old hacks of yesteryear finally yielded the reins of power to a group of fresh, young, idealistic, new-idea outsiders such as Nancy Pelosi. As a result Washington, rejecting "business as usual," finally stopped trying to solve every problem by throwing billions of taxpayer dollars at it and instead started trying to solve every problem by throwing trillions of taxpayer dollars at it.
To be sure, it was a year that saw plenty of bad news. But in almost every instance, there was offsetting good news:
BAD NEWS: The economy remained critically weak, with rising unemployment, a severely depressed real-estate market, the near-collapse of the domestic automobile industry and the steep decline of the dollar.
GOOD NEWS: Windows 7 sucked less than Vista.
BAD NEWS: The downward spiral of the newspaper industry continued, resulting in the firings of thousands of experienced reporters and an apparently permanent deterioration in the quality of American journalism.
GOOD NEWS: A lot more people were tweeting.
BAD NEWS: Ominous problems loomed abroad as -- among other difficulties -- the Afghanistan war went sour, and Iran threatened to plunge the Middle East and beyond into nuclear war.
GOOD NEWS: They finally got Roman Polanski.
The column then launches into a month-by-month survey of major events. It's fabulous. And it's awful. Go read the whole thing.
By Diana Hsieh @ 2:00 PM Trey said, "This is utterly inappropriate, so you KNOW it's hilarious." I agree with that, but I'd also say, "This is utterly inappropriate, so you KNOW I have to post it." Yup, they're selling handjobs on infomercials.
"Poor Al Gore: global warming completely debunked via the internet you invented."
"Why would you throw out raw data from the eighties? I still have Penthouses from the seventies!
I've not watched The Daily Show regularly in years, but Jon Stewart seems more willing to mock his side of the aisle of late. If so, good! These days, both left and right deserve boatloads of mocking scorn.
By Diana Hsieh @ 3:00 PM
I generally don't listen to music when I work. Unless I'm feeling antsy, I prefer silence. If I am feeling antsy, I like something mellow like Sarah McLaughlin, Natalie Merchant, or Coldplay. The same applies in the car. Unless I have something that I need to think about, I'll listen to audio books or podcasts.
That has changed lately, largely due to my thyroid problem. I've needed to keep myself amped up, so that I don't sink into full-blown lethargy. For that, I've found Lady Gaga invaluable. Undoubtedly, her album "The Fame" shows a fair bit of talent. However, Lady Gaga herself is pretty much completely nuts and often in need of pants.
Yesterday in Physics someone's phone went off to the tune of the Justice League. After the professor paused his lecture to acknowledge the phone, the kid answered his phone and replied, "The University is in trouble?! We're on our way!" The kid stood up, ripped off his t-shirt, revealed the Superman costume underneath, and exclaimed "Super Friends, Assemble!" Scattered across the class of about 150, Batman, Wonder Woman, The Green Lantern, and Flash all stood up and promptly left the class to save Auburn University.
Oh, I so wish that were a true story! It's from My Life is Average. Here are some more delights from that site:
Today, I saw a commercial for the Snuggie. I thought it was stupid idea but I couldn't change the channel because I was under a blanket and I didn't want my arms to get cold. MLIA
Today, I was at my work (pharmacy), and a little kid came up to me with a box of tampons. I asked him if he knew what they were for. He replied with "Their for my little brother. The commercial said they would help you swim and ride a bike, and right now, he cant do either". Easily the highlite of my life. MLIA
Today, we were taking a math test in class. We had to write the date at the top so everyone was asking the teacher what the date was. After about 5 or 6 people asked him my math teacher got fed up and said "The next person that asks me what today's date is will get 5 points off their test." One kid raises his hand and goes "What was yesterday's date?" MLIA.
Today, my mom set her facebook status as: "going to see my oldest daughter, WTF" My other sister and I are debating whether or not to tell her that WTF doesn't mean With The Family. MLIA
Yesterday when I went into the bathroom stall, written on the wall beside me was,"If you watch jaws backwards its about a huge shark that throws up so many people that they need to open a beach." I laughed hysterically in the stall. I hope nobody heard. MLIA
Those are funny, but they don't really follow the classic format, which is something like a surprise anti-twist at the end of the story, when you realize that what sounded bizarre was really quite ordinary. Such as:
Today, the whole world came crashing down on me, so I got some tape and stuck the map back onto the wall. MLIA
Or this:
Today, I realized that I am unemployed, live with my mother, play video games all day in my basement, and I am still a virgin. It's alright, I finish 9th grade next week. MLIA
[Amy:] Does the horse have a tail? [Three-year-old Samantha:] YES. Does Toby have a tail? YES. Does Jinx have a tail? YES. Do you have a tail? NO, I HAVE A VAGINA.
I always thought it would be cool to have a tail. However, now that I think about it, I'd rather have a vagina.
(Wow, I can't believe that I just wrote that. Ah well, in the interests of mortifying the Objectivist prudes yet again, I'll let it remain as is.)
Amy also writes thought-provoking posts, such as A Different Audience. The comments on that post are well-worth reading. I think that Kelly got the point about hierarchy of values exactly right.
I must admit that I have mixed feelings about the video. The kids are super-cute, but that kind of attraction to sugar is seriously unhealthy, not just physically but mentally too. I know that too well from my own experience!
By Diana Hsieh @ 2:00 PM
I have been remiss: I've not posted a funny cat video in ages! Yes, I know that the loyalty of my NoodleFood readers entirely depends on my regularly posting funny animal videos and penis jokes deep philosophic commentary. Still, it's time.
Admittedly, that seems like an inefficient way to get a drink of water. But hey, I'm not judgmental!
By Greg Perkins @ 8:00 AM A note titled "Alright Men" arrived in my inbox from an old friend, cluing me in to a local tradition which was apparently gaining some fame:
You haven't got a hair on you a$$ unless you've done Flying Pie's double habanero pizza. "Man vs. Food" (on the Travel Channel) is doing it this Friday ... not to be outdone, I did it tonight (4, count 'em, four slices) while my co- challenger (not-to-be-named) managed only 2. So, the question is are you man enough?
He went on to challenge all comers to meet him at Flying Pie any time during the month and give it a go (August is the only time of year they serve this monstrosity). Another recipient quickly replied:
What a load of crap. Were you wearing a pink skirt when you did that?
I bet I wouldn't even break a sweat.
Unfortunately, I am busy any night that you want to do the competition, so I guess I will have to pass. Although, the record books should show that if I wasn't already scheduled for something I haven't thought of yet, that I would eat 5 with no ice cream.
Whoohooo! Winner.
In the end, there was just one fool taker for his challenge, so naturally my friend expanded his campaign of peer pressure:
OK, ladies, only [one of you] is man enough to take me up on this ... Once [he] and I get a time and place scheduled, I'll let everyone know so if you want to come by, you can see how men eat. And, who knows, maybe some of you will check your ovaries at the door and join us.
At this point several of us fell prey to his irresistible powers of persuasion (he's a lawyer). If I had to pick out what made mere words so effective, I would put testosterone poisoning at the top of the list, well known for its capacity to dampen volition. The better part of a dozen males signed on, but no females, which indicates a significant causal factor by Mills Methods of Induction. (As many females as males did attend, but only to mock the guys' idiocy.)
Alright, so Flying Pie will spread diced habanero on pizzas like it's just another flavor of cheese or something, and now we had a shared-strife male-ego-driven test of wills based on it. Being a certified geek, I reflexively broke out some research to see just how ugly this little adventure might turn... and what I might do to better survive it.
First Question: Just how hot are we talking? It turns out that habanero chilies have a Scoville hotness value in the 200,000-300,000 range. (My prior pepper experience topped out at the hotness of the jalapeno pepper, which lands in the comparatively wimpy range of 2,500-10,000.) The Scoville scale is based on dilution into sugar syrup until the heat can't be detected by a panel of five people, presumably selected by their high levels of testosterone. Bottom line? They are saying the heat of a teaspoon of habanero only stops being noticeable when you mix it into about 400 gallons of sugar syrup. Jesus. Obvious Second Question: Can it harm me physically? The Scoville scale is basically a measure of the level of capsaicin in the peppers. Capsaicin is a chemical that binds to and stimulates nerve endings, especially in mucus membranes, creating that burning sensation. But it's only a sensation of burning -- the consensus seems to be that capsaicin does not itself cause any physical damage when you eat it, though exposure at high enough concentrations could cause irritation, which if great enough could bring "nausea, vomiting, abdominal pain and burning diarrhea." So I might hurl -- or come to more fully appreciate the lyrics to a certain Johnny Cash tune the next day, as the pizzeria staff was so helpfully suggesting we would -- but whatever hell my nerve endings might go through, I should come through it with at worst psychological scars.
Third Question: Any chance for a prophylactic... or failing that, an antidote? Sure, everyone has a prescription, and I vaguely remembered a Mythbusters episode that looked them over. Those guys can be pretty objective, so I looked up their results. The upshot? All the various methods, from drinking beer to tequila shots to coating your mouth with Vaseline (ugh) to eating wasabi (wtf!?) and so on are basically crap. They found that your best bet for putting out the fire is to simply drink milk. Others who study such things explain, "Milk contains casein, a lipophilic (fat-loving) substance that surrounds and washes away the fatty capsaicin molecules in much the same way that soap washes away grease." Sweet! I had my secret weapon: just swish and swallow a bunch of milk before, during, and after the ordeal! Maybe this would let me make it through an entire slice and demonstrate my extreme manliness.
So I called up Flying Pie to ask if they served milk. Then I asked, in my most virile tone, if they had a big, tough mug I could drink it from. Hooked. Up.
The evening arrived and we assembled around the table, eyes watering from just the smell of the peppers. I was still wondering just how much the milk could help... 300,000 is a big number. Then our official judge kicked it off! I was careful not to chew any more than necessary (why make a bad situation worse by spreading the capsaicin around?) -- so I was biting off and swallowing hunks of the deadly pie with my best horse-pill-eating technique. Hoo boy! The staff said that the "Man vs. Food" guy gave up in something like two bites, and now I appreciated why. Within about ten seconds I learned I should try to wash every bite down with milk, and to maybe do some extra swishing between slices. And it was working! Two of us quickly left the others behind, downing slice after slice. He was doing the horse-pill thing, too, but he wasn't using milk. Damn, who is that masked man? Turns out he was none other than The Ringer -- a guy who apparently used to eat whole habaneros right off the plant while gardening. After I'd eaten about 8.5 slices, and just when someone was about to order yet another of the deadly concoctions, the fog of competition cleared long enough for me to see that he would surely go on matching me slice for slice (and staying ahead by one) until my already-full stomach burst.
So I gave my concession toast, ending the ordeal.
I could tell my stomach was none too pleased with me for this gastric offense, but I indeed suffered no ill effects. And I was finally in a position to verify that Johnny Cash was on to something... it's a fact: we don't digest all of the capsaicin we ingest.
By Diana Hsieh @ 2:01 PM
This letter from a seriously unhappy customer of a British telecommunications company is damn funny -- and then it turns downright hysterical toward the end. Read the whole thing -- slowly, so as to savor it.
Oh, how I do love the Holy Internet, and its amusing Begotten Son E-mails from Crazy People! They bless us with The Funny.
By Diana Hsieh @ 2:01 PM
I've long been irritated by people's use of quotes to indicate emphasis. Hence, I find The "Blog" of "Unnecessary" Quotes damn funny. A few days ago, I saw the following sign in the waiting area of the Littleton Hospital Emergency Room. I just couldn't resist taking a photo, although I'm sure that the other people in the waiting area thought me a bit strange.
I'm pleased to know that the hospital takes these so-called conditions seriously. Anyone who claims to have them will surely be sent straight to the psych ward!
(In all seriousness, Littleton is an excellent community hospital. Thankfully, they provide medical services, not grammar lessons.)
By Diana Hsieh @ 12:01 PM
A guy goes on a planned backpacking trip around Europe for two weeks. He tells his girlfriend of his plans. However, she somehow forgets that. She sends him a rather memorable series of e-mails.
By Diana Hsieh @ 2:01 PM
This video is definitive proof that some people lack important projects in their life. It's detailed instructions on how to fold a thong. Seriously. It's more complicated than you think!
Now that you know what to do, I expect that all of you will be folding your thongs in the future, rather than merely stuffing them willy-nilly (so to speak!) into an underwear drawer.
By Paul Hsieh @ 1:27 PM
Our radiology practice covers multiple hospitals in Colorado, Kansas, and Nebraska, which sees patients from rural areas. One of my partners has collected the following recent patient histories from various cattle-related mishaps.
(If you're having trouble reading the text, you can click on the item to see the full-sized version.)
By Diana Hsieh @ 12:01 AM
I know that this particular topic isn't supposed to be funny, but I was highly amused:
A man breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside, he finds couple in bed. He orders the guy out of the bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the homeowner's wife to the bed the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up & goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife: "Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He's probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain... do what ever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!"
His wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he's gay, thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too."
Ha!
Folks, that's all that I have in my blogging queue, and I'm too busy working ten hour days finalizing my dissertation to do anything so frivolous as blog. Seriously, for eight days now, I've done nothing but sleep too little, eat on occasion, and edit, write, and edit more. I have a few more days of work. So unless my co-bloggers post something, and I hope they do, NoodleFood will be quiet this upcoming week. Again, do not e-mail me for any reason. I cannot afford the distraction. If you do, you might get a rather impolite response.
By Greg Perkins @ 12:01 AM
Apparently, President Obama's "stimulus" plan called for sending an extra $250 to ten thousand dead people. One 83-year-old fellow's mother died back in the 60's, and her check showed up at his place.
Social Security representatives said there is a good explanation. Of the about 52 million checks that have been mailed out, about 10,000 of those have been sent to people who are deceased.
On the bright side, maybe such errors will be helpful when He is running the health care industry.
...Brown suggested that Asian-Americans should find a way to make their names more accessible.
"Rather than everyone here having to learn Chinese -- I understand it's a rather difficult language -- do you think that it would behoove you and your citizens to adopt a name that we could deal with more readily here?" Brown said.
She made her remarks to Ramey Ko, a representative of the Organization of Chinese Americans.
I'm sorry to hear that Ms. Brown has troubles with difficult Chinese last names like "Ko"...
By Diana Hsieh @ 4:56 PM
Some of you may be surprised to learn that I am a committed traditionalist about Easter. The Easter holidays should be focused on bunnies, eggs, and other symbols of fertility -- not that newcomer "Jesus."
So, in the spirit of that glorious tradition, I bring you two delights:
See the best entries of the Peeps Diorama Contest. They're even better than last year, I think. My favorites are #4 and #40.
It's about time that someone created an Easter Turducken. It consists of Cadbury cream eggs wrapped in Peeps, then stuffed into a hollow chocolate rabbit. The linked page has a very useful set of illustrative pictures of the assembly process, but don't miss gems like the following in the description:
Many children wonder around Easter how it is that bunnies lay eggs. As a side benefit, Easter turducken illustrates clearly that this "theory" is wrong. Obviously bunnies lay chickens, which then lay the eggs. Mystery solved.
Indeed. Even more importantly, this Easter turducken -- a.k.a. the "bunpeepegg" -- shows that the "chicken or the egg" controversy is a vicious false alternative. Clearly, the chicken and the egg come into the world simultaneously: the chicken is "born" from the bunny already containing the egg!
I've found Twitter to be an excellent source of blog-worthy links, noteworthy political news, and useful tidbits on my various interests. (If only I had more time to blog what I find!) Plus, I get to keep up with some good folks in a less-demanding format than e-mail.
Of course, I know that everyone is captivated by my random thoughts. Okay, maybe not. Nonetheless, you can follow me here.
Fellow tweeters are welcome to post their follow links in the comments.
By Greg Perkins @ 12:38 PM Okay, given Obama's reputed dependence on prepared text for his charismatic orating, and recent slips like his slavishly reading another person's speech the other day (and thereby oddly thanking himself for hosting the event), this blog is just hilarious: "Barack's TelePrompter -- Reflections from the hard drive of the machine that enables the voice of the leader of the free world."
Okay, I see the bus coming right at me, so let's be clear: this was His ad lib. ... It's days like this that make me miss the days when He and I would walk the streets of Chicago, doing community activism. Sure, it took Him 30 minutes to set me up, and sometimes he couldn't get the extension cord to reach an electrical outlet, or the folks he wanted to talk to would walk off because they had better things to do, or the glare off my screen made his remarks unreadable. But it was a simpler time, when he could stay on script and didn't feel the need to "speak his mind," and we were a team. All I know, is it's going to be a long flight home.
I remember being really disturbed by this video as a kid. He was marrying her, but he didn't seem to love her! He hurt her when he put on the ring! It just didn't make sense! (Okay, so I must have been about six at the time.) Now that I've seen the literal version, it all makes sense. Well maybe not, but at least it's dumb rather than scary.
Now if only I could find that horror movie about bad moonshine that my sisters let me watch when I was about five that gave me nightmares for years. (My mother was not pleased.) I still have very vivid memories: The woman's hair fell out, she went all screwy in the head, she grabbed a massive knife from her kitchen with the intent of chopping up her two young daughters, but she was stopped and killed at the last minute by the dedicated police officer. It was scary stuff for young little me!
By Greg Perkins @ 12:01 AM
Never wanting to pass up a chance to confirm that I am on the moral straight and narrow, I eagerly took the Do You Have Biblical Morals? quiz.  Here's my result:
Your morality is 8% in line with that of the bible.
Â
Damn you heathen! Your book learnin' has done warped your mind. You shall not be invited next time I sacrifice a goat.
Now, before you go and conclude that the 8% means I'm some kind of moral monster, let me explain. Â Really, the 8% result was only due to poor question design -- not to any flaw in my character! Â Exhibit A in my defense:
12. What is the best way to curry favor with the Lord?
By treating all people, including atheists, with kindness and courtesy.
By learning and accommodating the culture and customs of other people.
By ritualistically slaughtering animals and burning the parts.
See, all the other questions asked what I would do or what I understand to be right, whereas this one only asked me to recall what the Bible says -- which is why I got an answer "right" Biblically.Â
Book editor with knowledge of Objectivism regarding Philosophy, Psychology, Politics and Economics. Objectivism is the philosophy created by Ayn Rand who wrote, "Capitalism the unknown ideal", "Anthem", "Fountainhead", and "Atlas Shrugged." I have completed a book that is 12 Chapters in 510 pages or 150,218 words. The book discusses moral and evil behavior using 12 Moral Laws and 12 Evil Laws with 38 Moral Principles and 38 Evil Principles. Please send resume of books previously edited and published.
Clearly, the numbers are very important! Good laws and principles must exactly equal the evil laws and principles!
Jack and Max are walking from religious service. Jack wonders whether it would be all right to smoke while praying.
Max replies, "Why don't you ask the priest?"
So Jack goes up to the priest and asks, "Father, may I smoke while I pray?"
The priest replies, "No, my son, you may not! That's utter disrespect to our religion."
Jack goes back to his friend and tells him what the good priest told him.
Max says, "I'm not surprised. You asked the wrong question. Let me try."
And so Max goes up to the priest and asks, "Father, may I pray while I smoke?"
To which the priest eagerly replies, "By all means, my son. By all means. You can always pray whenever you want to."
Not too get too technical, but that's actually a great example of the fascinating psychological effect of "framing."
Second:
The priest was walking down the street looking sad.
"What happened?" asked a parishioner.
"I am afraid someone from the parish stole my umbrella."
"Here's what you do. Next sermon talk about the Ten Commandments and look around when you quote 'Thou shall not steal' and see who bows his head in shame."
Next week the priest walks happily down the avenue, twirling his umbrella.
The smart parishioner said, "I see my advice worked."
"Not exactly," said the priest. "When I reached 'Thou shall not commit adultery,' I remembered where I forgot it."
By Diana Hsieh @ 1:21 PM
I've perused the blog Cake Wrecks (subtitle: "when professional cakes go horribly, hilariously wrong") before, but clearly I need to add them to my blogroll. It's not good enough to just look at the pictures, as the descriptions do bring out hilarious features that you might not notice on first glance.
As Paul can attest, the "perverted vegetable rodeo" of that last link me in hysterics for about four full minutes. I was laughing so hard that I was crying, my abdominal muscles were killing me, and I nearly hyperventilated more than once.
(Link via Chris Zeh who noted: "Now that the info is out there, I wonder if this sort of thing will happen more often. I'm just worried if zombies do attack, nobody will pay attention to the warnings ;-) ")
By Diana Hsieh @ 12:00 PM
Thanks, Al Gore! You invented the internet, and now I can watch a condom commercial featuring condom animal balloons getting it on! (It's actually kinda cute.)
By Paul Hsieh @ 5:21 PM
This is from the radiology order sheet at my workplace:
FELL 10 DAYS AGO ON TILE FLOOR IN COSTA RICA AFTER A COATI (MAMMAL TYPE RACCOON) URINATED ON THE FLOOR --- PATIENT HAVING PERSISTENT HEAD AND NECK PAIN
By Diana Hsieh @ 2:05 PM
If I keep on this roll of chicken humor, I'm going to have to create a separate category for it. Here's the latest, courtesy of Larry Salzman in the comments:
By Diana Hsieh @ 8:32 AM
CityRag posted a list of the best animal videos of 2008. Here are more of my favorites, both featuring weird cats, with two more to come in a future post:
By Diana Hsieh @ 8:13 AM
Ah gentle readers, you know that I'm a sucker for a touching Christmas story. Here's one from the UK:
About four weeks ago, I was rushing around trying to get some last-minute shopping done. I was stressed out and not thinking very fondly of the Christmas season right then. It was dark, cold, and wet in the multi-story car park. I realised that I had lost the shop receipt, which I would need to get out of the car park without paying. So, mumbling under my breath, I retraced my steps to the shopping centre entrance.
As I was searching the wet pavement, I heard a quiet sobbing. The crying was coming from a poorly dressed boy of about ten years old. He was short and thin. He had no coat. He had only a ragged flannel shirt to protect him from the evening chill. He was holding two fifty pound notes in his hand.
Thinking that he had got separated from his parents, I asked him what was wrong, and he told me his sad story. He came from a large family. His father had died when he was seven years old. His mother worked two full time jobs to make ends meet. Nevertheless, she had managed to scrimp and save two hundred pounds to buy her children Christmas presents. She had dropped him off at the shopping centre on the way to her second job. He was to use the money to buy presents for all his brothers and sisters and save just enough to take the bus home. He had not even entered the shopping centre when an older boy grabbed two of his fifty pound notes and disappeared into the night.
"Why didn't you scream for help?" I asked. The boy said, "I did!"
"And nobody came to help you?" The boy stared at the ground and sadly shook his head.
"How loud did you scream?" I enquired. The soft-spoken boy looked up and meekly whispered, "Help me!"
I realised that absolutely no one could have heard that poor boy cry for h
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