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 Friday, March 06, 2009

Do You Have Biblical Morals?

By Greg Perkins @ 12:01 AM

Never wanting to pass up a chance to confirm that I am on the moral straight and narrow, I eagerly took the Do You Have Biblical Morals? quiz.  Here's my result:

Your morality is 8% in line with that of the bible.
 

Damn you heathen! Your book learnin' has done warped your mind. You shall not be invited next time I sacrifice a goat.

Do You Have Biblical Morals?
Take More Quizzes


Now, before you go and conclude that the 8% means I'm some kind of moral monster, let me explain.  Really, the 8% result was only due to poor question design -- not to any flaw in my character!  Exhibit A in my defense:
12. What is the best way to curry favor with the Lord?
  • By treating all people, including atheists, with kindness and courtesy.
  • By learning and accommodating the culture and customs of other people.
  • By ritualistically slaughtering animals and burning the parts.
See, all the other questions asked what I would do or what I understand to be right, whereas this one only asked me to recall what the Bible says -- which is why I got an answer "right" Biblically. 

Whew! Potential crisis averted, moving on.

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 Comments

Friday, March 6, 2009 at 0:15:38 mst
Comment ID: #1
Name: John Harris
E-mail: John.Harris00 at gmail DOT com

Well I got a whopping 8% as well.

John.

Friday, March 6, 2009 at 6:22:21 mst
Comment ID: #2
Name: Sobokhan

Wow, does 0% mean I go to a special kind of hell?

Friday, March 6, 2009 at 8:03:57 mst
Comment ID: #3
Name: Ryan M

How did you answer 13? I'm so confused.

Friday, March 6, 2009 at 9:11:30 mst
Comment ID: #4
Name: Steve D'Ippolito

Well, schitt.

Scored 15%. I'll probably be ostracized. And the Lord God Tarskyte will probably smite me to smithereens.

The last one needed an N/A, because I don't belong to a church. None being there, I picked one at semi-random and it turned to to be "correct."

Friday, March 6, 2009 at 9:47:10 mst
Comment ID: #5
Name: Lemuel
E-mail: synthesist(at)ymail.com

Choosing the most atrocious answers, I got 85%.

After keeping slaves, cutting my wife's hand off, allowing my daughters to be raped before selling them into slavery, and murdering my gay neighbors, I only score a C+?

What more can I *do*, Lord?

Friday, March 6, 2009 at 9:49:28 mst
Comment ID: #6
Name: Dinesh Pillay
E-mail: me(at)dpillay.eml.cc

Hooray! 0% :)

Friday, March 6, 2009 at 11:12:51 mst
Comment ID: #7
Name: C Andrew
E-mail: ca4papen(at)mindspring.com

As an intellectual exercise and exploiting my intimate knowledge of the Bible, I answered as if I took the Bible seriously as a moral guide. I got a 100% CERTIFIED BIBLICAL MORAL RATING. That means I'm qualifed to critique all moral stands taken by anyone anywhere. I really did like the abstraction taken from how Lot (a righteous man, according to no less an authority than St. Paul) entertained and protected his guests.

Friday, March 6, 2009 at 11:18:01 mst
Comment ID: #8
Name: C Andrew
E-mail: ca4papen(at)mindspring.com

But when I took it from my moral perspective, I still had that pesky 8%. I think it's the John Bobbitt question. "Oh what do we do with a ....) You fill in the words. The tune is "The Drunken Sailor."

Curiously enough, after JWB was re-intacted (grin) he tried to be a porn star. And then became a preacher. So at least one church let him in the door. The Church of the Severed Johnson, I believe...

Friday, March 6, 2009 at 11:19:26 mst
Comment ID: #9
Name: C Andrew
E-mail: ca4papen(at)mindspring.com

Lemuel,

You really need to brush up your Bible.

Friday, March 6, 2009 at 11:36:55 mst
Comment ID: #10
Name: Lemuel
E-mail: synthesist(at)ymail.com

Pray for me, C Andrew, that I might come to know God's Word better. :)

Saturday, March 7, 2009 at 9:13:44 mst
Comment ID: #11
Name: Mike
E-mail: mikedialjatnetscapedotnet

For the first two-thirds of the test, I deliberately chose the answer that was so outrageous that it was funny. Only because I eventually tired of being cute, did I not score higher than a whopping 67 percent.

Monday, March 9, 2009 at 6:27:22 mst
Comment ID: #12
Name: Flibbert
E-mail: junk(at)treygivens.com
URL: http://flibbertigibbet.mu.nu/

I got 8%, too, but that's because I know god is a crazy bitch.

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