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 Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Who Wants a Bailout?

By Brandon Byrd @ 1:32 AM

As you have no doubt heard, Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson and Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke recently presented a plan to Congress that seeks to buy as much as $700,000,000,000 in "troubled assets" from prominent financial institutions. But why should these firms be the only ones to get massive amounts of milk from the taxpayer teat? I don't know about you, but I've purchased plenty of assets of dubious future value in my day... why shouldn't the government help me out too?! If you're like me, I'm sure you're wondering why the government isn't doing more to help alienate you from the negative consequences of your poor decisions. After all, isn't that what the government's there for? Granted, they do a lot for us in that regard... but if they're bailing out Wall Street, why not bail out Main Street -- or MY Street?

I recently ran across a website (hat tip to BoingBoing) asking just this question: BuyMyShitPile.com. From their site's description:
With our economy in crisis, the US Government is scrambling to rescue our banks by purchasing their "distressed assets", i.e., assets that no one else wants to buy from them. We figured that instead of protesting this plan, we'd give regular Americans the same opportunity to sell their bad assets to the government. We need your help and you need the Government's help! Use the form below to submit bad assets you'd like the government to take off your hands. And remember, when estimating the value of your 1997 limited edition Hanson single CD "MMMbop", it's not what you can sell these items for that matters, it's what you think they are worth. The fact that you think they are worth more than anyone will buy them for is what makes them bad assets.
So head on over and list whatever crap you'd like for whatever amount you think it's worth. If enough of us band together, maybe we can reap the rewards of the welfare state too!

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 Comments

Wednesday, September 24, 2008 at 7:59:46 mst
Comment ID: #1
Name: Nicholas Provenzo
E-mail: nprovenzo(at)capitalismcenter.org
URL: http://www.capitalismcenter.org

Very funny. I submitted my Weimar Republic currency. Its got a lot of zeros on it, so it has to be worth something.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008 at 14:24:54 mst
Comment ID: #2
Name: Grant Williams
E-mail: grant.d.williams at gmail

Nicholas Provenzo said: "Very funny. I submitted my Weimar Republic currency. Its got a lot of zeros on it, so it has to be worth something."

And just how did you come across that, Mr. Provenzo? You must have picked it up during your days working for the NSDAP as a eugenics researcher and abortion propgandist. Objectivists are Nazis afterall! I knew it!

Wednesday, September 24, 2008 at 18:43:04 mst
Comment ID: #3
Name: Andrew Dalton
E-mail: andrew.s.dalton(at)gmail.com
URL: http://witchdoctorrepellent.blogspot.com

Be forewarned that some people are uploading porn to that site.

Thursday, September 25, 2008 at 3:22:34 mst
Comment ID: #4
Name: Troy
E-mail: troy(at)troygardner.com
URL: http://www.troygardner.com

That's like awesome, so if a guy can trade a red paperclip for a house (1) , does that mean I should be able to ask $1Million dollars *puts pinky up to chin* for my collection of credit card offers?

[1] http://oneredpaperclip.blogspot.com/

Thursday, September 25, 2008 at 8:14:36 mst
Comment ID: #5
Name: Billy Beck
E-mail: wjbiii(at)frontiernet.net
URL: http://www.two--four.net/weblog.php

Nick; I'd wondered who'd done that. That was perfectly in the spirit of the thing.

I'd do it, too, but my ten million-mark note (saved by a great-uncle) is a bookmark lost somewhere in my library.

Thursday, September 25, 2008 at 20:09:47 mst
Comment ID: #6
Name: james

A story of George:

Meet George. He's a man of compassion. A man of faith, who believes in mercy. And he has some friends who really need some mercy. They've made some bad loans during the last decade. A LOT of bad loans -- $700 billion worth.

George wants to help them out, but he's got some problems too. After seven and half years of non-stop binge spending, his own credit cards are maxed out, and he's got a credit rating of about 300. He's also got just about enough cash to buy a iced soy peppermint mocha at Starbucks. (He doesn't have much taste either.)

So how can he help his friends in need? Well George has an idea. He's got a really fast color laser printer. He'll just print up some new money on his laser printer.

You might be worried that George is going to be arrested for counterfeiting, despite his good intentions. But both Republicans and Democrats have already declared George's laser printed "money" to be legal tender.

But there is a fly in George's consommé. He needs *cash* to pay for the copy paper and ink cartridges for his laser printer-- since Staples refused George's "IOU" after his credit card was declined.

Donations to help George and his friends can be sent to the Department of Internal Revenue, Washington, DC. Just write "bailout" on your check, so they know you've earmarked the money for the purchase of laser printer supplies. It takes a lot of paper and ink to print seven hundred billion dollars.

Thursday, September 25, 2008 at 20:12:53 mst
Comment ID: #7
Name: james

Sigh. For "credit rating of 300", I meant "FICO credit score of 300".

Friday, September 26, 2008 at 7:40:39 mst
Comment ID: #8
Name: Tony Donadio
E-mail: tdonadio(at)optonline.net

Just saw this amusing post re-telling an updated version of the fable of the "Grasshopper and the Ant." It's got an interesting twist at the end.

http://michellemalkin.com/2008/09/26/the-ant-and-the-grasshopper-20 ...

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